Beyond His Control Read online

  How does none of this show on you, she’d asked him earlier, because she knew there were circles under her eyes, not as deep as they could’ve been, but a testament to the stress she was under.

  If she continued to keep up the pace at her job, she’d burn out in no time.

  Law school had been exhausting, nonstop hours of studying and performing, of proving herself to her peers and her teachers. Competing for the top-of-the-line internships.

  In the end, she’d forgone the fame and fortune in order to serve what she considered to be the greater good. Which meant fighting for the people who had no one else to fight for them. She never felt the need for big money or for glory, but those internships had proven their purpose. She knew how those big corporations operated, and that gave her an edge in the D.A.’s office.

  Again, her father’s genes coming out in her.

  Leo, well, she and Leo had broken the family tradition of military service. Her father’s sister lived cross-country and she’d offered to take the two of them in after Ava’s dad’s death, but Leo refused. Since Ava was seventeen and Leo nineteen, there was nothing her aunt could do.

  She’d managed to keep her smarts, her questioning skills up like a barrier around her. And she’d been completely successful at keeping almost everyone at arm’s length.

  God, how had she not realized before now what she’d been doing?

  “You’re too hard on yourself,” he said.

  “How do you do that? Read me so well, even after all this time…”

  He shrugged. “It’s not that hard if you know what to look for.”

  “I wish you’d kept looking…when your marriage failed.”

  “Me, too,” he replied. “But what would’ve been the point? You knew what you wanted. What you didn’t want. By then, I was more than on my way to being it exactly.”

  A military man. Another man in her life on the edge of danger. But she did want him, so badly it hurt.

  The worst part was, the only thing stopping her from having him was her. She had no idea how to get out of her own way.

  13

  JUSTIN HAD NO IDEA where to go from here and he was grateful when his phone rang. A little less grateful, however, when he saw who the caller was.“Is it Leo?” Ava asked hopefully.

  “No, it’s not him.” He watched her face fall. “It’s only been a few hours…”

  “Six hours.”

  “He’ll call again,” he reassured her, and then picked up the line that Rev was on the other end of. “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t have much time to talk, Hollywood is so after your ass.”

  “Karen called him.”

  “Yeah, looking for you, claims you’re not answering your phone and that you’re interfering with a DEA investigation.”

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  “Cash’s running interference for you, but Hollywood’s not buying your dating-Ava story. He says that unless you come back here with a marriage license, he’s not going to believe a thing you say.”

  “Hollywood not believing me is the least of my concerns.”

  “He said he’s going to let the DEA charge you and he’ll bring you up on charges himself. Disobeying a direct order. Which he’s going to give you as soon as he stops lecturing Cash about getting involved in Gray Ops missions to begin with.”

  Justin squeezed the bridge of his nose between his fingers, but that didn’t stop the roar in his brain.

  He was putting it all on the line. His career, his future, everything, including his heart, and all for Ava. Digging himself out of this one wasn’t going to be easy. Turk had been right about that. Although Turk couldn’t have known what he was asking Justin to do at the time.

  Miracles did happen. So did nightmares. It looked like one was about to strike again.

  Justin heard his CO’s voice barking Rev’s name, right before Rev whispered, “Gotta go, boo—stay clean, you hear?”

  The phone rang almost immediately. He stared at the number, shook his head at Ava and decided to take this one. Might as well get all his spankings now, then go off-line for a while.

  “So you’re finally answering.”

  “I’ve been out of range,” he drawled.

  “Cut the cute act, Justin. I’ve spoken with your CO.” Karen’s voice was harsh and no-nonsense.

  “So I’ve heard. Thanks for that.”

  “There have been other threats,” Karen told him. “You need to let us take Ava into—”

  He closed the phone again, threw it on the table.

  “Will you please tell me what’s going on?” Ava asked.

  There was no point in lying. “I’m in deep trouble.”

  “Because you didn’t turn me in to the DEA.”

  “Right.”

  “I’ll tell them that I refused to go. They can’t make me go into custody.”

  He shrugged. “With a case like this, they might be able to. At the very least, I was supposed to follow that order. And I refused. That was my choice as much as it was yours.”

  “Justin, I can’t let you risk everything for me…I can’t ask that.”

  “You didn’t ask. I’m doing it.” He thought about what Rev said. “My story about us dating though is sort of blown with my CO. He’s covering for me, for now, but he said I have to bring him a marriage license or he’ll bring me up on charges.”

  “Marriage? Like, you and me, married? Like that’s ever going to happen.”

  Which wasn’t exactly the reaction Justin ever wanted to hear from her, especially not with the memory of her arms wrapped around him still so fresh in his mind.

  “I DIDN’T SAY it was going to happen,” Justin said shortly. “You asked me to keep you informed, so that’s what I’m doing.”

  “I didn’t mean anything by that. I mean, it’s just that I thought you were joking.”

  “Yeah, because I really joke about things like marriage. I guess us falling into bed earlier was a joke, too.”

  “I don’t know…I don’t know what any of this is. You’ve done so much for me.” All the sacrifices, and all she could think about was herself, how much she could potentially lose.

  “Yup, that’s me. A real do-gooder. Ready to take on the world at a moment’s notice,” he snapped.

  “I don’t know what to say, Justin. I’m sorry, for all of it. You’ve been through a lot.”

  “Don’t be. It’s not your fault. The trouble with the DEA and my CO is firmly on my shoulders.”

  In an attempt to stop him from walking out of the room, she called out, “I know what it’s like to be with someone, and not to be in love.”

  It worked. He didn’t turn back, but his hands gripped either side of the doorjamb. He swayed back and forth, as if he could still bolt at any moment. And even though she knew he wouldn’t go far, she didn’t want him gone at all.

  “Your fiancé?” he asked, saying the word as though it left a bad taste in his mouth.

  “Yes. He was perfect for me. Everything I should want.”

  “So what was the problem?”

  “He wasn’t you,” she whispered. This time, she was the one who fled, out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind her.

  She took in deep, stuttering breaths, wiped her eyes angrily. She hadn’t cried this much since her father had died.

  They’d told her over the phone. No one from the DEA even came to the house. She’d never forgiven them for that. They’d had her father for the majority of her lifetime and they couldn’t even come to the door.

  And what was she doing now? She and Justin couldn’t live here forever.

  She’d tell him that he could take her in, that he could get on with his life. It was for his own good.

  But she wouldn’t put the burden on him. She’d make the call herself.

  “I STILL DON’T KNOW your name.”

  Callie’s words drifted over him like a cool breeze and for a long minute, Leo didn’t know where he was and he didn’
t care, either. Only cared that her body was draped lightly across his, that his head and face felt better, his ribs moderately so, and that it appeared they were safe.

  She stared up at him, her blue eyes daring him to answer. The only sign of nervousness was the slight tug of her full bottom lip. He leaned down and kissed her, more gently than he would have liked to, necessitated by his split lip.

  She didn’t fight him or push him away. Instead, she asked, “What was that for?”

  “For being so damn brave.”

  “I’d say anytime, but I really don’t want to get caught in a situation like that again. I know the only reason we got out of there is because you knew the place so well. Because you worked for them…but you’re not like them.”

  “I’m not. And I don’t work for them. Not really.”

  “You said you did.”

  “My name’s Leo,” he said, as if that explained everything, and she smiled and that seemed to satisfy her. “Who the hell are you, lady?”

  “The lady who saved your ass,” she whispered, right before she pressed a sweet kiss to his cheekbone.

  “If I wasn’t so hurt…”

  “You’d take off my clothes right here and make love to me?”

  “Am I that predictable?”

  “You’re a man.”

  “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

  “No, it’s not, I guess. I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have fallen asleep on you like that—it’s too familiar.”

  “I think we’re way past the point of familiarity. I’m naked in bed with you and by my account, we saved each other’s asses a few times.”

  “Yeah, well, I’ve been threatened before. This was a pretty big one, though. If you hadn’t been in that room…” She trailed off and drew her knees up to her chest.

  “But I was. And I still am,” he whispered as his fingers played with the buttons on her shirt. She didn’t pull away or stop him, not even when he began to undo the buttons, one by one, until they were all open. A slow, tentative slide of his hand under the soft washed cotton and she was shrugging the shirt off her own shoulders, exposing full, beautiful breasts and a curvy figure he needed on him. Immediately.

  “Slide down here, Callie…please.”

  She complied, ended up on her side next to him. Carefully, he eased himself up onto one elbow.

  “You’re going to hurt yourself,” she said.

  “It’s worth it,” he murmured, his mouth against hers. “So worth it.”

  “Lie back,” she said.

  “Only if you promise not to go anywhere.”

  She didn’t answer him but he complied anyway, let her settle him against the pillows before she knelt next to him and began to unbutton her jeans. She leaned forward to kick them off and then she held herself over his body, barely touching him until he reached out and held her hips.

  He needed more contact. “Come here, Callie. Closer.”

  She didn’t protest again. Her body covered his, avoiding his hurt side as much as possible as their tongues met in a tangle of desire that was as hot as it was unlikely. Unexpected.

  Where the hell did she come from? he thought to himself, briefly, before she sheathed him inside of her with a sudden, desperate need.

  14

  JUSTIN STOMPED AROUND the side porch in the dark for a few minutes, trying to rid himself of that, weight-of-the-world, feeling he’d come to despise. He’d given up on that whole self-pity thing a long time ago when he’d realized that it didn’t do him any good and didn’t change a freakin’ thing. But this tendency to take over and make things better for everyone he thought he could help, wasn’t going away as easily.His back went up as soon as he’d started to breathe normally again, though, and he let his gaze slowly circle the perimeter of the property. Nothing.

  Still, someone could be out there. His hand reached into the back of his jeans where he’d tucked his gun for safekeeping. He turned slowly and almost fell into that freakin’ moat.

  “I’m going to kill you,” he said quietly. He lowered the weapon after a second and shook his head.

  “I didn’t know what was worse—sneaking up or barreling in,” Rev explained. “I went for stealth.”

  “You went for giving me a heart attack.” Justin automatically looked down the long road, even though he knew Rev was too good to be followed. The thing with Rev was, even though a certain brand of trouble seemed to follow him everywhere, it never seemed to put the team at risk. So Rev could arrive here safely, without issues, but Justin gave it half an hour before something stupid happened—like the porch collapsing.

  When the floorboards creaked as Rev jumped the moat to get up onto the porch, Justin said a silent prayer.

  “I parked a few miles back and came in through the woods.” He reached out a hand to Justin and when Justin extended his own, Rev pulled him in for a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

  “You shouldn’t be here,” Justin warned when he stepped away from the younger man. Rev was only twenty-four, the baby of their team, yet somehow he was more dangerous than any of the rest of them combined, when given the right opportunities. Although, the difficulty Justin was in now could lead to an entirely different type of danger. “It’s a mess. You could get in trouble.”

  “That’s why I’m here, instead of Cash.”

  Justin knew that Rev was thinking of leaving the team, moving on to other forms of Special Ops, while Cash had just been promoted. To involve Rev in this was bad enough, but to involve Cash would be much worse.

  “God, this is so fucked, Rev. What the hell am I going to do?”

  “Looks like you’ve already got some kind of plan cooked up.”

  “It’s half-assed and you know it. You’re only being nice not to say anything because you think I’m going to go off the deep end if you do.”

  Rev, being Rev, didn’t deny anything.

  “I’m in love with her,” Justin blurted. “At first, I thought maybe it was because we’d never really given it a chance. Never did anything beyond an almost roll in the hay. Now I know that sleeping with her then would’ve made everything worse. Because when I was married to Gina I wouldn’t have had the luxury of being able to tell myself that things wouldn’t have worked out with Ava.”

  “And now?”

  “Now I know a hell of a lot better.”

  “What are you planning?”

  Justin’s look must’ve said it all, because for a minute, Rev simply stared at him, then slowly nodded. “You’re due back on base soon. I’m assuming you’ll be there.”

  Justin didn’t answer him. He and Rev just sat there, staring out into the woods. “Has any of this made the papers?”

  “Not a hint,” Rev told him. “It’s like the whole story’s been blacked out.”

  “That’s a plus.”

  “It’s not your fault if she’s got to go into protection, Justin. You’ve done everything you could. And maybe the protection would only have to be temporary.”

  “You can’t be sure of that. And besides, would you want to live like that—in protection? Never seeing anyone you cared about again?”

  Rev didn’t hesitate. “No, that’s something I could never do. You couldn’t either, I know that. But we’re not everybody.”

  “Ava’s made her own choice,” Justin said. “She doesn’t want to leave.”

  “Then you’ve got to see sense and be the strong one in this situation.”

  “You sound like Cash,” Justin said.

  “Yeah, well, he lectured me on the phone nearly the whole drive up.” Rev smiled, and the two men laughed quietly.

  Cash’s voice had guided both of them home on more than a few occasions when the team had been separated, and he’d talked them through a new set of instructions, or found them a path to take to the nearest LZ when theirs fell under fire. Like all of the SEALs, Cash liked being in charge, was comfortable in that position, and for a minute, Justin really wished he could just put him in charge of this whole sit
uation.

  Except he knew he hated Cash’s solution already.

  REV STAYED for an hour, just long enough for him to confirm that Justin hadn’t made any kind of decision yet. His teammate had offered to stay behind, to take over, even, but Justin had refused.

  When he went inside, he was glad to note that at least Ava had come out of the bedroom. She had her back to him and was staring at the television screen, unmoving and, judging by her stance, he knew something was wrong.

  Over her shoulder, he watched the morning news vividly recap the brutal murder of a young A.D.A. in New York. An A.D.A. who’d taken over the O’Rourke case in Ava’s absence.

  Ava was barely breathing.

  He crossed the distance to shut the TV off, but she still didn’t move.

  This mess had just gotten worse; was tightening like a noose around their necks.

  He didn’t like the look he saw in Ava’s eyes. There was sadness, disbelief, shock—all normal and none of which bothered him. It was the defeat he saw behind all the other emotions, something he’d never, ever associated with Ava, and didn’t want to.

  He stood in front of her, gripped her arms hard enough to shake her out of her trancelike state. “Ava, that’s not your fault.”

  “Leave me alone,” she whispered.

  “No.”

  “Leave me alone,” she repeated.

  “No.”

  Her gaze moved up to his face, but her eyes didn’t meet his. Instead, her hands came up, touched his cheeks, his lips, a finger along the outer ridge of his ear as if assuring herself that he was really there.

  “Not your fault,” he repeated.

  “Shut up,” she whispered. She impatiently brushed away a tear that threatened to fall and brought her lips to his. And as much as he wanted to resist, stop this like he knew he should, there was no way in hell he had that kind of willpower in him.

  Her hands fisted in his hair and she was kissing him as if he was saving her life. They were hard, almost desperate kisses that left them nearly unable to breathe.