Temperance (Defiance #4) Read online

  The psychic thing didn’t scare him at all. There had to be more to it, and yeah, he wanted to get to the bottom of it, but he also wanted to kiss Siobhan too. Badly.

  He knocked and then backed off to wait at the edge of the porch. Lots of women were especially skittish post-Chaos, and he didn’t want to do anything more to freak Siobhan out.

  *

  Siobhan

  Kev was back, waiting outside the cabin, one foot on her porch. Behind him, a few dead men floated past, their gait heavy and burdened. None of them looked at Kev…not at first. And then one met her gaze and ran a hand along the back of Kev’s shoulders.

  Kev reached around and brushed at his back—she had no doubt he felt the touch and she didn’t like it.

  “This is just like Mom predicted,” Sashi said.

  “Shut up,” Siobhan told her irritably. Like I don’t remember…

  She walked out onto the porch and ignored the way Kev’s eyes lit when he saw her…ignored the way the butterflies spread low in her belly. The dead man who’d brushed Kev’s shoulders was standing there, watching.

  Kev took a step in her direction.

  He was going to kiss her, and she didn’t have to be psychic to know that. She could feel the energy zing between them, like there was an invisible tightrope tethering them…and drawing them together with an intensity she couldn’t try to fight.

  She’d been promiscuous pre-Chaos. It had been the best way to manage the gifts she was dealing with, a way to turn everything else off and channel it into another person. And then she didn’t have to stick around for any kind of relationship…because those were as fraught with danger as the dead who hung around outside their house, like it was the hottest club in town and they were waiting patiently for their turn to be let in.

  She met Kev halfway, bent her head and kissed him first—and after a moment of surprise, he kissed her back.

  She wound her arms around his shoulders, tugging him close. At the same time, she threw the mixture of salt and sage in the direction of the dead man, and wiped the remains on Kev’s back to protect him.

  How could she ever have a normal relationship with this shit constantly happening? And even as she thought that, Kev’s arms tightened around her and his kisses became harder, more promising.

  She matched him kiss for kiss. She didn’t realize the rain had started until he stepped up onto the covered porch, not letting go of her or breaking the kiss. When the thunder rumbled overhead, she knew Sashi would head down to the tube—she never liked hearing the thunder.

  Reluctantly, Siobhan pulled her mouth away from Kev’s. “We can go in.”

  “Because it’s too dangerous to stay out here?” he asked, a slight mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

  “Because I want to take you to bed.”

  His eyebrows rose, and his mouth curved into a small grin. “You sure?”

  “Isn’t that why you came here?”

  “I came here because I can’t stop thinking about you. Dreaming about you,” he corrected. “I was hoping you’d just talk to me, but hell, now that you offered, I’m taking you to bed so I can prove you made the right decision.”

  Without further discussion, he swung the door open. When he closed and locked it, the hail began to pound the old tin roof, and, still carried by him, she pointed the way to her aboveground bedroom. “Are you okay staying up here?”

  “I’d prefer it,” he told her.

  If it was getting too dangerous, she’d know. For now, she let Kev lay her down on the soft, old blankets that somehow smelled like him already. He buried his head in her neck as he pressed against her.

  “Going to take my time with you,” he murmured.

  *

  “I don’t mind the storms,” she said suddenly, after a burst of lightning came through the window and seemingly flashed over their heads in the darkness. “Never did, even after Chaos. That’s weird, right? Everyone who lived through it hates the storms.”

  “They don’t bother me much. It’s more about the loss, I think, than anything. But Mother Nature’s just doing what she does.” He ran a hand through his hair as Siobhan curled herself against him, the warmth of his body drawing her in farther.

  Dangerous. This was all so dangerous…and for once, she didn’t care. “Your MC lost a lot of members?”

  “Yeah. And my parents died in the Chaos,” he said roughly.

  She wanted to say, “Mine too.” And technically, that wouldn’t have been a lie. She could practically feel Sashi’s disapproving gaze from somewhere below in the tubes.

  “Why’d you rub me down with salt and sage?” He didn’t sound accusing—his expression—his eyes were easy and contented. He hadn’t moved a muscle to let her go, either.

  She’d known this wouldn’t last, but to have it be ending so soon… “I see the dead,” she blurted out. Like ripping off the Band-Aid. Let him go screaming into the night sooner than later, because more time in bed with him and…

  “Makes sense.”

  She glanced up at him to see him grinning. “No it doesn’t.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” he agreed. “But I’m guessing you’ll fill me in so it will.”

  “I’d rather not.”

  “I know that too.”

  “There’s a lot of suicide in my family,” she admitted straight-out and then, when he didn’t get up immediately and root around for his clothes, she added, “And a lot of mental illness—or maybe it’s stress induced, brought on by our gifts.”

  “That’s rough.” He paused. “Notice you called it a gift though.”

  Dammit. “Either way, most see it as a burden.”

  “And you?”

  She gazed at him intently…and for some godforsaken reason she couldn’t lie for him. “I won’t let the fuckers win.”

  “Good girl,” he murmured into her ear.

  “I’m no one’s girl.”

  “Mine,” Kev said urgently. “Come on, Shivvy…you know it too. Don’t know how or why, but it just is.”

  She pulled away from him. “You don’t know what you’re getting into.”

  He stretched, put his arms behind his head and stared at her. “Waiting for you to tell me.”

  *

  Kev

  Siobhan was trying to get rid of him by spilling all her secrets.

  He didn’t scare that easily. “Were there dead men watching me in the woods?”

  She started. “You felt them?”

  “I don’t know…I thought maybe…it was you or your sister, protecting your house.”

  “It wasn’t.”

  “So why are they wandering around?”

  “Do you know how many dead people are wandering around? Do you think this kind of destruction doesn’t make spirits rise from their rest? They’re goddamned angry, like the rest of us,” she told him bluntly. “And after the Chaos it was…impossible.” Her eyes grew haunted at the memory. “I thought I might go insane, like my sister. I think at one point, I might’ve descended into the madness with her. It was awful, Kev. Because they found me. They’d crowd me, rush me, demand I help them. They were all so confused. Most had no idea they were dead—they wanted me to help them find the way home. It was awful.”

  He couldn’t imagine. He didn’t even want to believe her, but what the hell was she getting from making this shit up? Because she could actually earn more money promising to help people talk to their precious dead.

  Like she knew what he was thinking, she told him, “I never offer that.”

  “So you can’t see the future?”

  “No, but Sashi can. Sometimes there are dead around the people I’m reading and they tell me things. Past things. I find a way to include it if I like the person…but I never tell anyone this. I can barely handle it.”

  “Is that why you live out here?’

  “Yes. It’s way more crowded where the largest concentration of population is—and was. Out here? It was never populated.”

  “And you run fr
om them.”

  “I hide. Try to confuse them. Lot of false paths. And once they get here, I’ve got a lot of protection—layers they can’t get through.” She took a deep breath.

  “Why tell me?”

  “Because I won’t start this on a lie. Whatever’s happening between us…if you even think there is…”

  He grabbed her. “I don’t come out here for the ambiance.”

  That made her laugh. And in turn, that made him happy.

  Thunder rumbled overhead, loud enough to make the house shake. “I’m going to just check on Sashi. I’d still rather stay up here.”

  He would too, so he let her go, and she was back in minutes. “She okay?”

  “Not at all.” She glanced behind her. “Do you want the official story, or do you want the truth, Kev? And think hard before you answer, because once you do, there’s no going back.”

  “Am I ever gonna get past these gates you’ve got up? It’s like you’re trying to wall yourself in with the dead, because it keeps the living out.”

  “I want to tell you to go fuck yourself,” she muttered. “Sashi’s more of a sensitive than I am. It leaves her open to be…jumped, I guess is the best way to say it. If she can’t banish the ghost fast enough, they try to take her energy and ultimately her body.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Any wonder why most doctors who’ve met her declare her clinically insane almost immediately? Chaos just hastened the inevitable.”

  “If there’d never been a Chaos? I’d probably be doing time. Or fucking around, not doing much of anything,” Kev confessed. “Chaos is probably the best thing to happen to me.”

  She smiled a little. “Well, I’m glad it was good for someone.”

  “Shit. Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I’d be fucked up either way,” she admitted.

  “Does Keller know?”

  “About me and Sashi? Yes. Declan does too. I’d appreciate it if you kept it to yourself. Others know too, which is why we’re basically pariahs around here.” She paused. “Keller lets us stay here in return for keeping the place safe. He’s superstitious that the ghosts from the extermination are going to hurt him and his family. And no, no one told me about the extermination. No one told me. No one had to—the dead find me. Tell me what’s happening.”

  “Do you protect the compound from their retribution?”

  “Yes,” she said simply.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The ride back to Defiance was tense, but Rebel knew that Declan’s anger had little to do with him. Not after Declan spent hours inside Keller’s office, and came out afterward, not speaking, just fucking marching to the truck and refusing to answer Rebel’s questions.

  The only reason Rebel didn’t bother forcing the issue was because Caspar wanted them back. And as much as Rebel wanted to stay to visit with Luna—and Bishop—longer, he knew it was imperative…for Defiance’s safety, and for Declan as well.

  Rebel parked close to the tube and realized that Defiance was getting ready to party. The heat lamps were out, music was starting. He opened the door to his tube, let Declan go down first and followed.

  Declan looked up to the opened door above them. “Going to hang out?”

  It wasn’t a loaded question but rather, a simple one. Rebel moved to tug him close and Declan just watched him curiously…but still allowed it. And then the opening strains of Coldplay’s “Yellow” filtered through.

  “Love this song,” Declan said against Rebel’s cheek.

  “I know,” Rebel murmured back huskily. “I asked Riley to play it first and last, in case we didn’t get back here in time.”

  Declan pulled back for a second, surprised.

  “It’s a step,” Rebel said. Declan smiled, then put his head down on Rebel’s shoulder and they were dancing in place. Rebel held him close.

  When it ended, Rebel knew Declan was fading. He’d had two more nightmares this week, but overall, Rebel thought he was sleeping better. Although he’d still been stubborn about moving into Rebel’s bed…until Rebel physically moved him. Just the way he did now.

  Once Declan stripped and crawled under the covers, Rebel went and locked the tube doors.

  Declan’s eyes were still open when he got back, like he was waiting for Rebel.

  Rebel crawled in next to him. “Get some sleep.”

  “Trying.”

  “Job tomorrow?” Rebel questioned.

  “And miles to go before I sleep,” Declan murmured noncommittally.

  “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

  “Uh-huh.” Declan closed his eyes as Rebel reached his arm around and lightly drew along the lines of the tattoo he’d memorized.

  It was Declan’s biggest tattoo—his back piece of a phoenix rising. It was mainly gray and black, with washes of soft color so well done it looked as if it’d been painted on his back. Like it should fly away when touched…like it was real.

  It mesmerized Rebel when he fucked Declan, made him feel almost otherworldly.

  Now, as Declan slept peacefully, Rebel continued to trace the phoenix, even as his plan solidified in his mind.

  *

  The next afternoon, Declan got called into a meeting with Caspar.

  “Be a while,” Caspar told him.

  Normally, Rebel would be pissed about not being privy to what was happening, mainly because he’d been there while Declan’s last job had been happening, but today he wasn’t in the mood to hash out the Nomad thing again. He already knew the salient points, and with the free time, he could put his plan into action sooner than he’d thought.

  Luc was inside his shop. The tattoo parlor wasn’t officially open, but then again, it never seemed to officially close.

  Luc greeted him warmly. “Hey, Reb—long time no see.”

  Rebel tensed for a moment and then realized Luc wasn’t referencing the times they’d seen each other out in the gay clubs through the years. “Yeah, it’s been a busy time.”

  Luc tapped the seat across from him and Rebel sat. Luc rarely partied with Defiance—instead, he seemed much more comfortable in his shop, waiting for the next man or woman to come in for ink.

  “I want a phoenix,” Rebel started. He outlined the basics but knew Luc would be able to freehand it and make it perfect.

  “Sounds good. Where?”

  He’d wanted it on the back of his hand, but Luc convinced him to let it take flight on his biceps instead. It wouldn’t be as grand as Declan’s, but that was the point. It was about the connection, the way it made him feel, and that was all that mattered.

  He sat back as the buzz of the needle began to mesmerize him, the way it always did. For a while, they remained in comfortable silence, until Luc asked, “Anyone special behind this?”

  Rebel hesitated for a second before admitting, “Yeah. Very.”

  And fuck, that felt nice to be able to admit to someone. Especially to someone who understood.

  As if reading his mind, Luc said, “I’m bi,” casually. “Probably makes it a little easier. Not like I have to force myself to fuck a woman.”

  Around here, the tattoo artist was as sacred as a priest. More so actually, because they knew everything, told nothing and never made you pray for your soul’s redemption. Luc didn’t seem to need any further explanation on Rebel’s part, so Rebel settled in to take ink and advice without judgment.

  “Thing is, Reb? It was almost the end of the world. If you can’t do what makes you happy now…well, fuck it. What’s the worst that can happen? And isn’t the worst that could happen worth your pain?”

  It was. And Rebel kept that in mind when he went to the tube and found Declan there.

  “Where’ve you been?” Declan asked.

  Was there a note of possessiveness in his voice? That made Rebel happy in a weird way. He never thought he’d be thrilled to have someone dogging him. “Sorry. I was, ah…”

  He didn’t know what to say, so he lifted the sleeve of his shirt and Declan came forward to see
the gauze.

  “Are you hurt?”

  “What? No. It’s…I mean, I know it’s…I hope it’s…” Rebel took a breath, not remembering the last time he was this nervous. He muttered, “Fuck it,” and ripped the tape off before gently easing the gauze away from the healing piece.

  Dec froze…and then he smiled. He goddamned smiled. “Your own personal guardian angel.”

  “No, that’s you.”

  “It’s fucking perfect, Reb.”

  “Yeah.” Rebel stared at him. “It is. It really is.” Then he paused, almost didn’t continue, but it was time. “He was my dad’s friend,” he started. “I was ten. Playing around behind the garage one day and he invited me into his workshop. He made these really cool soap sculptures, and he said he’d show me how.”

  “He touched you,” Declan said, his voice tight. “Tell me he’s dead, because if he’s not…”

  “He died during the Chaos, yeah,” Rebel told him.

  “How long did it go on for?”

  “Three years, until I got bigger than him,” he said. “Guess he got bored—or scared, or both. I didn’t know he was messing with Luna. I don’t know if he hurt any of the other kids. No one else talked about it.”

  His voice broke and Declan thought he was going to stop. Or that he needed to. “It’s okay, Reb. You don’t have to…”

  “It has to. It’s going to upend my entire fucking life, and it’s almost done that already. It’s come between us.”

  “Not the only thing,” Declan said quietly. He dipped his head and pressed his cheek to Rebel’s. “I’m not going anywhere if you’re not. We’ll figure it the fuck out.”

  “Yeah,” Rebel said. In the dark, he smiled a little. “You knew.”

  “I assumed,” Declan admitted. “I’m so fucking sorry it happened to you.”

  “I threatened the guy when I got bigger. I gave him a second chance. I believed in shit like that.” He paused. “Now I know that vengeance is the answer. Fuck forgiveness.”