Beyond His Control Read online

  It was the same way Justin looked at Ava. Demanding, infuriatingly sexy. Loving.

  Carly said something to Hunt that made him smile and he pulled her in for a brief kiss.

  “That’s Hunt’s Carly,” Rev said.

  She hadn’t noticed the SEAL had come up beside her. “I kind of figured,” she said, then saw Rev was holding a key out to her. “Is that for me?”

  “Yes.”

  “What’s it to?”

  “Justin’s house.”

  “I can’t stay there,” she said. “He wouldn’t want me there.”

  “Then he can tell you that himself when he comes back. You don’t seem like the kind of woman to change her mind once you’ve finally made it up.”

  “You’re right, Rev.”

  “Come on, let me drive you to his house.”

  “Okay. Hey, look, I know you can’t…I mean, I know he’s away, but—”

  “Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies,” he said. “Just have some faith. They did.”

  She watched Hunt climb into the passenger’s side of the car and wave to his teammates as Carly drove them away.

  Ava had already resigned from the D.A.’s office, was still thinking on the DEA’s offer. Plenty of time with nothing to do but think. And invade Justin’s home without an invitation.

  23

  Two weeks later“JUSTIN’S GOING to hate it,” Ava said.

  “He’ll get used to it. Eventually. If he wears sunglasses all the time when he comes in here,” Carly offered. Then the two women took their gazes away from the kitchen wall they’d just painted a far too vibrant pink, and looked at each other and burst out laughing.

  “It didn’t seem this bright on the paint-color chip,” Ava said once she caught her breath.

  “It kind of did,” Carly replied. “But there was no talking you out of it.”

  “Yes, well, tell me something I don’t know.” Ava groaned, and put the paint roller down into its pan.

  Carly had been the first one to visit Ava the day after Ava had moved herself into Justin’s house with the same, familiar spirit she’d used to throw herself into any new task. She was going to prove to Justin that she could do this, even if it killed her.

  Although one look at this wall, and given the way she’d taken over pretty much every available closet in the house, might just have him taking her down first.

  Since meeting Carly, and then Cash’s girlfriend, Rina, Ava had spent a good deal of time with both women. They talked about everything from their jobs to the SEAL team in general. And their men, with specifics. Carly had also started to teach Ava to surf.

  Rina’s friend Stella came up for a few nights, too, and suddenly Ava found herself with a newfound appreciation for tarot cards and palm reading thanks to Stella’s New Age approach to life.

  Stella told her that Ava’s aura was very strong, and that if she ever wanted to give up being a lawyer, she had a good future in tarot-card reading.

  Beyond Callie, Ava hadn’t spent any significant amount of time bonding with other women. Carly and Rina were both so independent. They were really just like Hunt and Cash had described them—stubborn, full of life, risk-takers.

  They were awesome women.

  “Awesome women deserve awesome men,” Carly had commented when Ava complimented her earlier in the week. “I think what you did for your client is pretty awesome, as well.”

  Yes, Ava had done something good there with Susie. Now it was time to move on to a job so she could help on a larger scale, with the DEA.

  Carly rifled through Justin’s fridge and came up with two sodas. “We can repaint tomorrow,” she offered. “That way Justin won’t totally freak out when he gets home.”

  “I wish I knew when that was,” Ava said, and Carly nodded in that join-the-club fashion. Hunt and Cash had both gone wheels up last week themselves, and Ava was more than grateful for the support system. That was one piece of the puzzle that was missing from her parents’ marriage—the support system was something her mom never seemed to have.

  Ava realized that was something she wouldn’t be able to do without, no matter how independent she was.

  “You’re thinking too much again,” Carly called out.

  “I know, I know.”

  “Is your life going to be better with Justin than it would be without him?” Carly asked. “If the answer’s yes, then nothing else matters.”

  “The answer’s always been yes,” Ava admitted as Carly’s phone began to ring.

  Carly smiled at Ava as she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, then glanced at the viewfinder hopefully. “It’s Rev,” she said, opened the phone and began to speak. “Hey, Rev, what’s up?”

  Ava had been busy moving away the sheets they’d been using as drop cloths, stopped and turned only when she heard a soft gasp from Carly. The woman, whose complexion was normally a beautiful golden tanned color, had gone ashen, and she clutched the phone to her ear. But it was as if she’d lost the power of speech.

  And then she started shaking her head back and forth, a silent no, and that’s when Ava took the phone from Carly’s hand and put it to her own ear, a hand on Carly’s shoulder the entire time.

  “Rev, it’s Ava. What’s going on?” she asked tentatively.

  “I’m glad someone’s with her. I can’t leave base and I didn’t want Carly to find out any other way.” The drawl wasn’t as pronounced because of his clipped tones and she knew immediately that something was wrong. “Hunt’s MIA. You need to remain calm. For Carly. I’ll be in touch as soon as I have any intel, but don’t you dare show that woman fear. You have faith.”

  “I’ll take care of it, Rev.”

  She clicked the phone closed.

  “He’s fine, Ava,” Carly said immediately, as though she’d been having a mental argument with herself on the subject while Ava had been on the phone. It was as if she’d pulled herself together in mere seconds. But Ava knew from experience that together in a situation like this was a relative term. “If Hunt wasn’t all right, I would know.”

  “Of course you would. I believe you.” And Ava did, could see the hope shining clear and strong in Carly’s eyes.

  “I want to go home. Will you drive me there? I want to be there when Hunt calls. I need to be near his things.”

  Ava didn’t wait for her to finish, was nodding, guiding the tall blonde out to her car, taking her back to the small house about a half hour away from Justin’s, on the opposite side of the base.

  Carly and Hunt had just moved into the house a few months earlier. Carly had sold her place in Florida, had other people managing her surfing business so she could be closer to Hunt.

  “I gave up bigger waves, but he’s worth it,” Carly had told her earlier that week when they were at the beach. “Hunt might get transferred to a team in Hawaii…that would be cool for both of us.”

  The second they got into the house, Carly changed out of her tank top into a T-shirt of Hunt’s. “It’s my favorite,” she explained. “It still smells like him.”

  Ava stopped Carly to give her a hug as she suddenly had an urge to go grab one of Justin’s T-shirts and do the same thing.

  “GOOD TO BE HOME,” Hollywood yelled. He stretched his legs in the Blackhawk that was bringing him and Justin back to base.

  Home. Justin hadn’t allowed himself to think about it beyond that one little word, about what he would be, and wouldn’t be, coming home to. So he nodded to his CO and he smiled and then he put his head back and let himself process how many days he’d been gone, how much time had passed.

  Where Ava would be right now.

  Done with the grand jury hearing. Back at work at the D.A.’s office. Getting ready for the trial.

  Not anywhere in his vicinity.

  “You’re thinking about a woman,” Hollywood called.

  “Maybe.”

  “Only women can make you frown like that.”

  “Yeah, that’s true.”

  “You di
d good out there. You kept your private life out of it. Stayed focused,” Hollywood continued, and Justin wondered what the hell he was trying to say. “You’re ready, Brandt. Ready for anything.”

  His CO gave him a thumbs-up before turning his attention to other things. Justin considered whether Hollywood had been hanging around with his tarot-card-reading sometime-girlfriend for too long.

  He wanted to tell Hollywood that he wasn’t the problem, that he’d always been ready. Instead, he closed his eyes and let the movement of the helo distract him until they landed.

  24

  JUSTIN WAS HOME. She’d heard his bike pull up and then his key was in the lock within seconds and his gun was pulled, because he’d seen the lights on all over the house.“It’s me, Justin. It’s Ava,” she called before she came into his sight. He was already lowering his gun.

  “How did you get in here?” was the first thing he asked, followed quickly by, “Why is one kitchen wall pink?”

  “Rev gave me a key,” she said, as if that would explain everything from her presence to the paint color.

  “Rev gave you a key,” he repeated as he walked toward where she stood in the living room.

  She’d only come home from Carly’s a few hours earlier because Rev told her Justin would be home that evening. The relief that came from hearing those words had been enough to make her tear up.

  Rina and Rev assured her that they’d take care of Carly, and Ava promised her that she’d be back soon, with Justin.

  Now she saw Justin note the tarot cards and the piles of papers on the coffee table. “Rev told me you were on your way home. But he said you had to stop at the hospital. Are you all right?” she asked.

  This was the first time she’d ever seen him dressed in his SEAL gear. Camouflage-patterned pants and heavy boots, a black T-shirt stretching across his chest, and he still had fine traces of paint on his face. It was amazing and heartbreaking all at the same time.

  “I’m all right,” he said finally, but she didn’t believe him. Not totally, because she knew that even if there was nothing wrong with him physically, he still knew about Hunt.

  She walked over to where he stood and began checking him for bandages and bullet holes just in case, and she thought she heard him chuckle. “I was at the hospital with my CO. Post-mission physical. He’s fine. I’m fine. Everyone’s fine.”

  “Justin…”

  He spoke quickly, as if tearing off a Band-Aid. “Hunt’s MIA.”

  “I know about Hunt.”

  He dropped his bag to the ground and nodded. “I was going to change before I went to see Carly. I figured going like this might…” He trailed off absently as he started to peel off his T-shirt.

  “Yes, that’s a good idea.” She touched his shoulder gently. “Go change and then we’ll drive over to Carly’s. I told her I’d be back soon.”

  He stared at her. “You were with her today?”

  “I was there when she got the call. I stayed until Rina and Rev got there. Rev said you were on your way home and I wanted to be here.”

  Justin looked as if he wanted to say something to her, but he merely nodded instead and began shrugging out of his clothes as he headed toward the bedroom.

  “You’ve got to be the calm one,” Rina told her just the other day. “Being calm helps them. They like to see that you’re holding it together. That helps them hold it together during times like this. If they fall apart, then you stay strong and you let them.”

  She could do that now, be strong for Justin. He had his mind filled with worry, for Hunt. For Cash, who was part of the team looking for Hunt.

  AS THE WATER RAINED down hard on his back, Justin tried to deal with his conflicting emotions.

  Hunt MIA.

  Ava here, in his house.

  Pink walls.

  Hunt MIA. Ava with Carly.

  MIA was Ava’s worst fear. Any of their worst fears, actually. And yet, she was still here, waiting patiently for him in the kitchen, handing him a soda and a sandwich she’d produced from his suddenly well-stocked refrigerator, and he hadn’t even realized he was hungry until he’d spotted the food.

  “You don’t have to go back there with me,” he said after he’d eaten half the sandwich.

  “I know. I want to.”

  “I don’t even know what you’re doing here.”

  “We can talk about that later. Let’s go to Carly now,” she said, tugging him out the door.

  He didn’t tell her that Hollywood had needed to hold him back from jumping onto the helo they’d just come out of to stop him heading off to find Hunt himself. Actually, Hollywood looked grateful that he had to concentrate on grabbing Justin, because Justin knew his CO was fighting his own urge to do the same.

  “We don’t have clearance,” Hollywood told him. “There’s another team inserted. Cash is there. They’ll find him.”

  They’ll find him. He had to believe that. But, do nothing wasn’t a role he did well.

  He hadn’t realized that he’d slid into the passenger seat, but he had, so her let Ava drive him to Hunt’s place, let her push in one of his favorite CDs for the short trip.

  Let her take care of him. And he liked it. A lot. Too much.

  Her hand was reaching out for his. They’d parked in front of the house and he’d been staring into space.

  Get it together, Brandt.

  “I’ll help you keep it together,” she said, as if she’d read his mind. And then she leaned over and she kissed him, first on the cheek and then on the mouth, a soft, lingering kiss. “I didn’t get a chance to hug you. To tell you that I’m so glad you’re home.”

  He wanted to tell her that he was glad, too. That seeing her in his house was the best thing possible, especially considering the news he’d gotten once the helo had landed. But now wasn’t the time. “Thanks for coming here with me,” he said instead, and she nodded and together they got out of the car and headed up the driveway.

  Rev was still there with Rina. Hollywood was there, too, and a few other guys from the team, as well. Ava went immediately to Carly while Rev came over to Justin.

  “No word on anything yet,” Rev told him.

  “Cash hasn’t checked in?”

  Rev shot him a quick look. “They can’t get him on radio at all anymore.”

  Shit. Shit.

  “You should go home—you just got back—you’re exhausted,” Rev said.

  “I need to be here for Carly.”

  “You’re going to make things worse unless you get that look off your face,” Rev told him urgently, but it was too late. Carly was already moving toward him, was hugging him fiercely. And somehow, again, a woman was the one comforting him when he was supposed to be the strong one.

  “He’s fine, Justin. He and Cash both,” Carly whispered in his ear.

  “Of course they are.”

  “Have you eaten?” Carly asked.

  “You don’t have to worry about me.”

  “Sure I do. That’s the job of a wife of a SEAL—I get to worry about all of you.” There was no sarcasm in her tone at all, no resentment, just pure faith.

  He looked across the room where Ava stood with Rina and Hollywood.

  “Ava’s cool,” Carly said. “And don’t worry, we’re going to repaint the pink wall.”

  He smiled in spite of himself.

  “I called Ty, told him to stay in Florida for now,” Carly continued, referencing Hunt’s brother.

  “Did he listen?”

  “I’m expecting to hear his Harley coming up the block any time now.”

  “Well, it’ll give him something to do,” Justin said. “He’d go crazy sitting at home waiting. I know he and Samantha want to be here for you.”

  “And Hunt’s going to have a fit and tell all of you that you made too big a deal over nothing,” Carly added, and yes, that would be something that Hunt would do. That was exactly what they all wanted Hunt to do.

  “Carly, your mom’s on the phone,” Rina called out. C
arly went to answer it. Justin drew in a deep breath and looked at his team members and at the wives and girlfriends and at Ava and remembered all the times he wished that Ava had been there, with him and his friends.

  That’s when the room grew far too small for him and he headed for air.

  TEN MINUTES LATER, Ava found him on Carly and Hunt’s back deck, staring up into the sky, where he’d been trying to relay messages to Cash and Hunt through telepathy, mainly of the will-you-fucking-call-in-now variety. She didn’t say a word, didn’t try to analyze him, just put her hand on his shoulder and stared up into the sky the same way he was doing.

  They stayed like that for what could’ve been hours or minutes—he lost track.

  “How are you staying so calm?” he finally asked her.

  “I don’t have a choice.” She reached for his hand, held it tight. “I know what you’re thinking. That I’m going to get through this and then I’m going to freak out about everything that’s happened.”

  Yeah, those had pretty much been his thoughts. Ava was excellent under pressure, but once she was given time to sit back and digest the things that happened under that pressure, well, the results wouldn’t be pretty. “It could be me, you know. Me you’re waiting to hear news on.”

  “I know that,” she said quietly. “But I’m here. You’re here. And I’m done spending time worrying about things that might happen. I’m only dealing with things that are in the here and now.”

  He opened his mouth to answer her, had no idea what he was going to say, when the door behind them slid open with a slam.

  It was Rev. “They’re on their way home. Mission accomplished.”

  “Hunt?”

  “Broken arm. And Cash is pissed at Hollywood for authorizing marines to come in and look for them. Apparently, Cash had already gotten to Hunt earlier in the day—they just lost comms. Just a giant miscommunication.”

  From inside the house he heard talking and crying, saw tears running down Ava’s cheeks despite her smile. And he took her into his arms and just held her on the porch until he’d calmed down enough to breathe normally again.