Coming Undone Page 18

“Because you don’t want to. And you haven’t wanted to from the second you laid eyes on the man.”

  Carly sighed. “You knew that as soon as you saw us together, didn’t you?”

  “Yes. But I didn’t want to scare you. Now it’s up to you to decide how badly you want the real thing,” Sam said. “You’ve gotten everything else you wanted, right? Back in the water.”

  Carly couldn’t argue with her friend. She was, for all intents and purposes, where she wanted to be—back in the water, but she certainly wasn’t in control anymore. Certainly not over her feelings.

  23

  THE DAY OF THE CHARITY event for spinal cord research remained overcast. The waves weren’t anything close to competition form and Carly didn’t care. She’d ditched the formal clothes she’d worn for the meet-and-greet portion of the afternoon and pealed on her wetsuit. Then she paddled out and caught a ride, which wouldn’t have earned her much from any judge, but when she heard the yells of the girls who’d been watching from the shoreline, saw them pumping their arms in the air as Carly got closer, she couldn’t stop smiling.

  Surfing was like riding a bike, and even though her thigh ached during it, Carly didn’t care, had welcomed the pain the same way she had over the past days along with the salt water spray in her face and the inevitable wipeouts.The first one was the hardest, and she’d forced herself to quell the fear and remain under the rolling waves for a little longer than necessary to regain her sense of underwater balance. She concentrated on letting her body detect the flow of the current, on holding her breath and following the leash around her ankle up to her board. And when she surfaced, she found she’d instinctively headed out deeper, away from the break of wave and into the calm, flat water.

  She’d welcomed it because she’d missed it, because she knew Hunt was there, watching her, despite all the other things he had going on in his life. And though she’d done it on her terms, he’d helped to take her over the edge.

  Carly climbed back on her board and watched the other surfers she’d joined for the sunset ride finale paddle out for the next break. They’d welcomed her in with the peace sign, and if they’d recognized her, they didn’t let on. She welcomed the anonymity. It had never been about the acclaim for her.

  It had always been about the ride. Thanks to the event, she’d gotten her stride back. In her professional life, anyway. If she could only reach Hunt as easily, she’d be golden again.

  Although, in the eyes of the girls who surrounded her, she already was. She spent an hour getting them on the board and paddling out with them. None of them wore bathing suits and none of them cared that their clothes were soaked or their hair was messed.

  And she knew, in those moments, that she could still surf and teach, knew she’d written her last article for the magazine. From now on, she’d make sure the surfing school she’d planned to open got written about instead.

  CARLY HADN’T BEEN IN THE water alone, but she’d stood out like a beacon. Set apart from all the other surfers, she shined, and not because she was the hottest one there.

  She’d made it look so easy, although Hunt knew by the well-used workout equipment he’d seen in her office and his own tries on a board, with Cash yelling instructions at him moments before he got pummeled, that it was far from it. Even for the months Carly’d stayed out of the water, she’d stayed strong, had rehabbed, had fought to get herself to where she’d been. And she’d gotten there.All because he’d let his guard down. Now she was back and he was left wide-open, vulnerable. He hated every second of that feeling, of knowing fate was forcing his hand again.

  You’d think you’d learn by now about the control thing.

  Ah hell, he’d never liked being taught much anyway. Always seemed to prefer the learn-from-your-own-screwups school of life.

  “Hey,” Carly called from behind him. Hunt had almost cleared the beach and was at his bike when she caught up to him, still wearing her surfing gear and wrapped in a towel.

  He’d planned on staying longer, but since she’d seen him before her event, knew he’d kept to his commitment, he didn’t think it mattered if he left. “Hey,” he said. “You looked great out there.”

  “Thanks. It felt great,” she said.

  Keep it moving, Hunt. “Look, I’ve got to go,” he said, motioned toward the Harley and took a few more steps away.

  “You can’t run away from this and hope it’ll all go away.”

  He laughed, stopped with this hand on the seat because he was so close to escaping. “Pretty funny, coming from you. I’m not running, at least, not from something. I’m needed someplace.”

  “And what do you need?”

  He wanted to tell her that he needed her, wanted her, in spite of everything that was going on, but he couldn’t. Watching her conquer her world, seeing her hang out with her old surfing buddies made him feel worse than ever. And though he didn’t want to be a major downer on her day, or tell her this in the middle of a parking lot, he had to tell her sometime.

  Cash always advised giving women bad news in a public place to avoid scenes, although Hunt wasn’t sure when or why he’d decided to take love advice from his teammate.

  “What I need never seems to matter,” he said. “And I’m tired. Tired of fixing things, making people feel better, figuring a way out of the situation for everyone and their mother. I’m done with it.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “Everyone’s on their own from this point out. It’s the way it should be, and it’s the way it ends up, when all’s said and done.” Hunt’d been walking as he talked, had picked up speed and now he straddled his bike, as if he was prepared to shoot away from her.

  Carly put her hand on his arm, leaned against him so that wasn’t possible. “I didn’t ask you to come in here and fix me in a two-week whirlwind.”

  “I know.” He spoke quietly, avoided looking at her for the first time since she’d known him. “I brought all that on myself. So now, I go back to my life and you go back to yours. That way, we’re all back to where we started—the way it should be. No more pretending. Life’s too short for make-believe, anyway.”

  She wasn’t at all where she’d started. And, as much as she loved this new place, she didn’t want to relish it alone. “Don’t I get a say in this?” she asked.

  “You wanted to surf again. That was your dream, and you got that. Or you will, as soon as you can stop talking to me, wax your stick and get out there.”

  “Were the SEALs your dream?” Carly asked, desperate to keep Hunt here and keep him talking. She couldn’t imagine what he was going through since his news left her cold.

  Keep him here, and talking. Maybe you can help him.

  “Not at first,” he replied. “The service was a way to a steady paycheck and decent medical benefits for me and Ty. Just in case.”

  “And then?” she prompted, seeing Hunt as a young man, dealing with all of this on his own.

  “And then I got bored, wanted more action, more of a challenge. Ty grew up and went out on his own and there wasn’t anybody left at home for me to worry about on a day-to-day basis. Met a couple of SEALs who talked me into giving BUD/s a try,” he explained, then looked up at the sky. When he started talking again, it was more to himself than to her. “Dammit. I knew this whole thing was a bad idea from the start. Told myself not to get involved, that I needed time on my own to get over last month.”

  “What happened last month?”

  “Just something I’ve got to deal with by myself,” he said. And it was back to his usual state of control.

  “I’m guessing that there’s more to your R & R than meets the eye.”

  “Guess you could say that.”

  “What happened?”

  “Things I can’t talk about, or want to,” he said. And he actually moved her hand off his arm and started the engine, letting it rev a little in the open air.

  Carly put her hands on the front bars of the bike as though she was hanging on for dear life. “You
told me that you’d been shot. Was that recent?”

  “No. But if what you’re asking me is, have I ever really been in danger, the answer’s yes. Every time I go away. And the last mission I went on put me right in the middle and I wasn’t able to help my teammates the way I needed to.”

  “Did men on your team…”

  “Die? No, but men got hurt. So badly they’ll never be on active duty again.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “That’s what they keep telling me and the others who didn’t get hurt. And I know that, but sometimes, it’s not enough.”

  “I know,” she said softly.

  “Yeah, I guess you do,” he said. “Dammit, I didn’t want to do this here. Didn’t want to do this period.”

  “You came here. To me. That has to mean something.”

  “It means I honor my commitments, nothing more,” he told her, “because that’s all I can deal with it meaning right now.”

  “So that’s it? You’re ending things like this? What happened to the other commitments you made to me? The rehearsal, and the wedding?”

  “I’m sorry,” Hunt said. “But I think you’re strong enough to deal with your family on your own.”

  And then he revved his bike and took off out of the parking lot, while she clutched the towel around her and fought the urge to get into her car and follow him.

  24

  IT WAS TIME FOR CARLY TO get her life under control. The pieces were slowly starting to fall into place, but her familiar impatience began to rear its head in a big way now that she was back in the water.

  Nothing at all to do with the fact that Hunt ditched her. After another night came and went without hearing from him, she’d taken advantage of the dawn patrol, let her body meld with the waves and clear her mind.Then she went inside and went to work.

  The first thing she did was quit her magazine job, felt that weight lift off her back immediately. The next phone call was to the owner of the small surfing school nearby. She’d heard rumors that the man who ran it wanted to sell and retire, and she’d always been a believer in fate. It was time for her to branch out again.

  The final call was to Pat, her physical therapist. And he was more than thrilled to be losing her as a customer. At least a weekly one. She promised to see him once a month, for a while, to make sure she was still progressing.

  The rest of her day didn’t go quite so well. It was almost time for the curtain call on Nicole’s big day, and Carly had no date for the rehearsal. She did have an easy out—she could tell her family that Hunt was called in, but it would have hurt to have said that. She wanted it to be true so badly.

  How had this one thing spiraled so out of control as everything else was coming together?

  “Your pantyhose has a huge run down the back of your leg,” Nicole stage-whispered, halfway through the evening.

  “No way.” She turned to check her calf, because this was the third pair she’d ruined. To add insult to injury, she was only wearing them because her sister had told her to. Her hair kept falling out of the neat knot she’d tied up earlier in the evening, she’d spilled wine on the front of her dress and broken a heel from her shoe, and now her sister stared at her as if she were a mutant.

  Being asked where Hunt was every five minutes wasn’t helping.

  Her hero, was how they referred to him, and the majority of dinner was a blur of questions. Although she did do a pretty good job of E & E. Hunt would’ve been proud.

  “So where is that hero of yours?” Aunt Susan asked.

  “Classified,” Uncle David said, giving her a wink, and she thanked him with a smile for the save. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it soon enough. And to him shipping out.”

  “It’ll never be easy, honey. But every homecoming’s like another honeymoon.” Susan gave Carly a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “If anyone’s strong enough to handle a man like Hunt, it’s you. Remember, they need us a lot more than they let on, but they’ll never, ever admit it.”

  “You sure picked a winner,” her uncle said to her, his voice low, and she knew exactly what he was thinking. “Or should I call him a ringer?”

  Carly gripped the stem of her wineglass and tried to decide if she could still play this off. But when she met his eyes, she didn’t see anything but understanding. “How did you know?”

  He smiled. “You both had me fooled, up until the press came by, after Hunt’s act of heroism.”

  “Because I didn’t know about keeping his name private,” she said.

  He nodded.

  “Anyone who’s serious with a Special Ops guy would have to know that. It counts. But you were both very convincing in every other way. I’m sure I’m the only one who knows.”

  “Uncle David, you can’t tell my parents.”

  He laughed. “I won’t. Letting your father think you and Hunt are the real deal is what’s making this wedding hoopla bearable.”

  She was about to respond when Evan’s voice carried over the din. “So where is the man who saved the world? Since, if it were me, I’d make sure you were never alone.”

  Carly fought a groan and ignored the comment, even as her uncle whispered, give ’em hell.

  “Hi, Evan.”

  “How about a dance?”

  “Sure,” she said, let Evan put a hand across her back and lead her to the dance floor.

  “So, should I assume that we’re on for the wedding?” he asked.

  “Actually, no. We’re not on.”

  “But your boyfriend is obviously not around, and your parents and your sister won’t be happy if you go to the wedding alone.”

  “They’ll have to deal with it, then. I’m not only Hunt’s girlfriend when he’s in port,” she said. And she meant it.

  Now, she needed a plan.

  CARLY KNOCKED ON THE door to Samantha’s apartment, wasn’t surprised when Ty answered, considering his bike was parked in the lot.

  “Hey,” he said. “Sam’s not here. She had some last minute things to go over with the teacher who’s replacing her.”“I know,” Carly said, accepting that Ty could see right through her anyway. They’d called a tentative truce, but she knew he didn’t trust her motives. Not totally.

  “Oh.” He paused. “Want to come in?”

  She nodded and Ty moved aside. She felt a lump in her throat when she saw the packed bags by the door and wiped a tear from her cheek quickly.

  “Hey, she’s coming back,” he said quietly. “I promise.”

  “I know. You’d think I’d have gotten used to this, but it was always me leaving, not the other way around.”

  “I understand. But I’m going to pay for the place for the next couple of months so she doesn’t have to worry about renting it out or anything.”

  “Do you think you’re coming back here, then?”

  Ty shrugged. “I’d like nothing better, Carly. But I can’t predict the future. If things go well, yeah, we’ll be back. But you didn’t come here to talk about me and that’s okay.”

  She sighed. “I’m worried about you and your brother.”

  “It’s strange about Jon, how he always thinks he knows what’s best for everyone. Thing is, he doesn’t know shit about what’s good for him.” Ty paused. “But I think you might.”

  “Do you know how I can get in touch with him? He’s always come to me.”

  “Sounds like him.”

  “That’s not completely his fault, Ty. I haven’t exactly been asking him what I could do for him.”

  Ty stared at her for a minute, then finally gave her a small smile. “Yeah, me neither. He puts up a good front, doesn’t he?”

  “He sure does.”

  “He’s not answering my calls, and I don’t have his work number, since it’s a secure line. But hey, how did you two first get in touch?” he asked.

  She smiled at the memory.

  “Hold that thought,” Ty said, “I think I may have a way.” He dialed his phone. “Sully, it’s me. You see Cash arou
nd lately? At the beach—you’re sure?” He hung up. “This is going to get good.”

  THERE WAS A LONE SURFER out in the waves. Carly watched from halfway down the beach, wishing it was Hunt and knowing that no one picked up surfing that fast, no matter how talented they were. There was another storm brewing, so for surfers the waves were killer right now. Still, she couldn’t help but worry that whoever was out there shouldn’t be surfing alone.

  Carly looked up and down the beach for Cash and didn’t see him, so she moved in closer to witness the surfer take a ride through a tube she would’ve killed for. The surfer came out of the curl smiling and waved to her.In a few minutes, Cash strolled from the water to her, board under his arm. “Hey, surfer girl,” he said, brushed wet hair away from his eyes. “You’re early.”

  “You were good out there. What about the bet you made with Hunt, that you could learn to surf faster than he could?”

  Cash laughed. “I hope he didn’t use that one to get you into bed because I’ve been surfing since I was three. Although this isn’t my thing.” He motioned to the crashing waves. “I do mostly tow-surfing when I can.”

  That made sense. She could understand Cash’s need of being dropped inside a massive twelve-foot wave from a helicopter or dragged by an outer-board. The danger inherent in big-wave surfing would be a match for him.

  “I’ll kill him,” she muttered. “As soon as I find him.”

  “I’d like to be around to see that.”

  “Well, that’s part of why I asked you to meet me. I’ve got a proposition for you.”

  Cash leaned against the board he’d propped in the sand. “Tell me more. Even though I’ve got a feeling Hunt’s going to kill me for whatever I’m about to say yes to.”

  25

  HUNT PUNCHED THE BAG UNTIL it broke. And then he punched it some more, even as sand drained from it and the soldier who ran the gym gave him dirty looks from the safety of the office. And then he jogged to the showers, let the water run over his back in a last-ditch effort to just goddamned relax.