Beyond His Control Read online

  “I’ll be fine down here.” He’d slept on worse. Much worse. Gone without much sleep for longer than a human being should. Pushed his limits to the max.

  Sleeping on the floor next to Ava’s bed—talk about a trip down memory lane. Even though he had more than one place he could sleep in Turk and Ava’s house, like the living-room couch or Turk’s floor, he always found himself in Ava’s room on her yellow carpet.

  Somehow, in the dark of night, when they were alone and weren’t sparring over silly things, he could almost imagine that they could make a go of it. And then he’d remember, like he did now, that Ava didn’t want to be with anyone who was planning on going into the military. By that point, he’d already made his decision to enlist.

  “Justin?”

  “Yes?”

  “Why wouldn’t the O’Rourkes just kill me?” Her voice held equal parts fear and anger. “How would Leo know any of this?”

  Justin had already considered the hows and whys, sitting here in the semidarkness, watching Ava toss and turn a few feet away from him.

  She was in danger, and so was his oldest and best friend in the entire world.

  Especially now. Getting Ava out of town might have made things even worse for Turk at this point.

  Justin took a deep breath and told her something he’d been avoiding. “Your brother mentioned something about his cover.”

  He heard her suck in a quick breath. “Leo’s involved with the O’Rourkes?”

  “He didn’t say that.”

  “He didn’t have to.”

  “This isn’t your fault,” he said. “You were doing your job. You had no idea what you were getting into.”

  “You still haven’t answered my first question.”

  “I know,” he said. He had no doubt that O’Rourke had given the order to kill Ava, and that all of it was a giant warning. A setup for something else much bigger coming down the pike. “You’re with me now, nothing’s going to happen to you on my watch.”

  She didn’t push again for an answer to her question. More likely than not, she’d come to the same conclusion he had, anyway. “I’ve caused you so much trouble.”

  “I can take care of myself.” He shifted to try to find a comfortable position, even though he knew there wasn’t one. He was too aware of every sound, every change, every nuance.

  If anyone tried to get in here, he’d know well in advance. Still, his gun remained at his side. Ava’s was on the bedside table, although she hadn’t touched it since he’d put it there.

  “I guess, out of all those times you’d bailed me out, this has got to be the most complicated,” she said.

  “The time you went into that biker bar and started asking questions about some guy’s alibi and almost got into a fist-fight with the girlfriend was a pretty bad one. Good thing the police came in time.”

  “Wait a minute. How do you know about that?”

  Shit. “Turk told me.”

  “Leo didn’t know that last part. He didn’t know about the police coming. I never told him that. I never told him that I went to the bar. I just told him about the case, since he’d worked undercover with the Hells Angels for a while and I wanted some inside information.”

  “Oh,” was all Justin said, because yes, she’d asked Turk about the motorcycle club and Turk knew his sister well enough to know that she’d march herself into one of the most dangerous bars in upstate New York and nose around. Justin had pulled detail on that one, calling the cops at the last minute rather than trying to take on the entire bar himself.

  Actually, he wouldn’t have had any problem facing the bar, but yeah, then he would’ve had to face Ava. Who was staring at him now over the side of the bed the way she used to when they were kids.

  “You’re the reason all those threats against me mysteriously disappeared. You’ve been…around all these years.”

  There was no reason to lie anymore. “I guess I have.”

  “Why didn’t you ever say anything? Stop in and see me?”

  “I didn’t think you wanted to see me. The fact that you left town the day I got married kind of clued me in.”

  “Right. The day after you kissed me.”

  No, he wasn’t going back there. Already, just the mention of the marriage had made his chest tighten. “I can’t do this, Ava. Not now. Not yet.” He was still bruised from her earlier words. Plus, he knew she’d find a way to talk about it with him without actually talking about it.

  He’d learned a long time ago that talking too much, about any subject, was the fastest way to get into trouble. He’d had a hell of a lot of training in the art of not talking, had been interrogated by some of the best the navy had to offer and beyond, but he still didn’t think he could put anything past Ava.

  He never was able to hide anything from her, at least not face-to-face, and the cover of darkness wasn’t heavy enough to cloak the damage they’d have to discuss.

  AVA SHIFTED in the bed and wished Justin was next to her, wished she’d been able to control her mouth earlier—not one of her finest traits. Justin was right. She was hurt and scared, but she wasn’t going to take that out on the man risking everything to help her.

  If she still wanted Justin, pushing him away wouldn’t accomplish anything. But it had never been easy between them, and with both she and her brother in trouble, it was par for the course.

  They’d met on Justin’s first day at their high school, a day in mid-September. She’d been a sophomore, her brother a senior and Justin a junior who’d been kicked out of a fancy prep school up north somewhere and returned to Norfolk’s public-school system. Leo and Justin had gotten into a knockdown, drag-out fight during gym class that resulted in both of them going first to the E.R., then the principal’s office and finally home. They’d each earned a week of suspension.

  Justin had been sent over by his father to apologize. Leo was already at the front door, having been coerced by their father to do the same. But before Justin made it to the door, or Leo down the stairs, Ava intercepted. And nothing was ever the same….

  She’d been expecting a big ugly bully, or a guy who was so sure of himself that he just oozed creepiness. With the way the girls at school talked about Justin, with a stupid, pathetic look in their eyes as if they’d seen a god or something, she’d been sure she was going to hate him on sight. She always went for brains above beauty.

  She had not been expecting a tall blond guy who was more handsome than any picture she’d ever seen in any magazine. Striding up her front walk, he had a determined set to his jaw and a large, purple bruise, courtesy of her brother, on his left cheek that did nothing to detract from his rugged good looks. If anything, that hint of roughness made him look even better.

  The heat of the Indian summer did not help matters. But good-looking or not, he’d still hurt her brother. Who, of course, could more than defend himself, but that still didn’t stop her from marching out the door before Leo could and down the walk to meet him.

  “Don’t you ever, ever lay a hand on my brother. Do you understand?” she asked.

  He eyed her calmly. “Are you his bodyguard?”

  “I’m his sister.”

  “Jesus, Ava, leave it alone.” Leo’s voice came from over her shoulder. Her brother put a hand on her arm and pushed past her. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” Justin said, and both boys stuck out their hands at the same time. She crossed her arms and waited for the I’m sorry to come out of Justin’s mouth, but instead, her brother spoke first.

  “You want to come in and watch the game?” he asked. Justin shrugged and soon the two of them were walking up the path and into the house together, her presence quickly forgotten.

  That was it? The two of them had nearly killed each other, over what she couldn’t get out of Leo, and certainly Justin wasn’t going to tell her. Or the principal or even her father. And now, after they’d beaten the crap out of each other, a handshake was all it took to make them friends? Where was the discussion? The apologi
es? The promises to never fight again?

  She’d wondered then if she’d ever understand men. Now she realized that she just wished she understood Justin. “You’re still awake, aren’t you?” she asked into the darkness.

  “Yes.”

  “I’m sorry…about before. What I said. I had no right—”

  “Forget it.”

  “I can’t forget it, Justin. All these years and I still can’t forget it. Can’t get it out of my mind that we were supposed to be together.”

  “How, Ava?” he asked, his drawl thick with emotion. “I don’t lead the kind of life you wanted. Even if things hadn’t gotten so far off track with my marriage and the baby, I don’t know if we would’ve worked out.”

  “Please, can you just get into this bed?” She hated the pleading tone in her voice, but Justin got it. She felt the mattress shift under his weight, and within seconds he was pressing into her, his strong arms around her. She could deal with anything as long as he stayed by her side.

  Ava nuzzled her face against his shirt, felt his jeans rub against her nearly bare legs. Felt his arousal at her belly and despite everything else, a shiver of desire ran through her.

  “Sorry,” he whispered, and she wasn’t sure if he was apologizing for his arousal or what she’d been through that night—or their past.

  Right now, lying next to him, none of it mattered. Tentatively, she brushed her lips on the bare skin above the collar of his T-shirt. He started against her touch. Hadn’t expected the intimacy. But he didn’t pull back.

  She did it again, heard a low rumble rise from his throat and felt his arousal press—impossibly hard—at her belly.

  He was watching, waiting for her next move.

  “Do you think this is just unfinished business between us?” she asked. “I mean, we came so close…”

  So close that she could still feel his weight on her, the nap of her bedroom rug scratching her bare back. She’d thought, before that night, that being naked with Justin might be weird, but there had been nothing strange about it. It had been so good…so right.

  So close…

  “We’ve got a lot unfinished between us, but I don’t think this is the time to finish it.”

  “Maybe it’s the best time.”

  “And maybe it’s not meant to be at all.” He spoke quietly, firmly, but he didn’t move away from her.

  “Will you tell me what happened, one day?”

  “One day,” he said. “I’ll take care of everything. Your brother will finish his job and all of this mess will be sorted out. In the meantime…”

  “In the meantime, will you just hold me?”

  There was a pause, and then the bed shifted slightly, so he was on his back and she could rest her head against his chest.

  “Don’t worry. Your virtue’s safe,” he joked softly.

  “My virtue isn’t the one you should be worried about.”

  “You’re killing me, Ava.”

  “If you tell me that you haven’t thought about me being in your bed once over the last nine years, then you’re an even bigger liar than I am.”

  “And what have you been lying about?”

  Everything. About being over you. “Nothing,” she whispered.

  “Yeah, me too,” he whispered back.

  6

  LEO TURNED on the cold stone floor and groaned softly. His mouth held the metallic taste of blood and his body ached. And it had just been a teaser of what was to come.If he didn’t make contact with the DEA office every forty-eight hours, someone would come extract him. He’d made the call twenty minutes before he’d been grabbed by men who worked for O’Rourke—men Leo had worked side by side with over the past few months during this undercover mission.

  Under and alone.

  Except he wasn’t alone.

  “Are you…oh my God, you’re really hurt.” A woman’s voice. Deep and smoky, like a fine whiskey that would burn in a hurts-so-good way going down.

  He groaned and tried to pull himself up to lean against the wall, despite the pain, so he could look the woman in the eye. “Did you think I was just taking a nap?”

  The woman had long, dark hair. She was probably in her mid-thirties even though she looked much younger. “I don’t know anything. These men brought me in and you were already here. I didn’t know who you were.”

  He wasn’t sure himself. Was he Leo, the DEA agent, or Leo, part of O’Rourke’s merry band of men?

  “Who are you?” he asked instead. He wondered if she walked in here without a struggle because surely he would’ve awakened to sounds of her screaming.

  “My name’s Callie. Those men kidnapped me. They said they were with the FBI.”

  “They’re not.”

  “I figured that out for myself when they forced me into their car,” she said with a hint of sarcasm. She didn’t seem surprised that she’d been taken. Did she even know exactly who, and what, she was up against?

  His gaze strayed to her beautiful, full lips and he paused to consider what they would feel like on his and—Whoa, yeah, he’d definitely hit his head way too hard. Mission, Leo. Remember the mission.

  “What else did they say to you?” he asked.

  She pressed her lips together and turned toward the door. “I’m a social worker. They think I know where a woman I helped is hiding.”

  Not good, not good, especially if the woman in question was Susie Mercer. He couldn’t ask that now and blow anything. “Is there any water?”

  “There’s nothing in here but us.”

  His head ached—possible concussion. He hadn’t been aware that he’d been sliding back down the wall until Callie was cradling his head in her lap.

  “Don’t you dare leave me again. I’m scared enough, I don’t want to be alone,” she told him indignantly. He looked up into those sky-blue eyes and couldn’t think how to break this to her.

  He chose the easy way. “How do you know that being alone isn’t preferable to being alone with me? How do you know I’m not one of the men who locked you in here?”

  “I don’t,” she said. “But I’m guessing you’re not in here because they like you a lot.”

  He snorted. “How long ago did you get here?”

  “It’s been a couple of hours at least. They took my watch.”

  O’Rourke’s men were going to kill them both. Why they hadn’t yet was anyone’s guess.

  AVA WAS ALONE in the bed when she woke up. It looked like night inside the room, but she knew it was still daytime beyond the pulled curtains. The pillow she held smelled like Justin.

  Justin.

  The shower was running and she thought about joining him under the hot spray. She hadn’t thought about Justin in the shower in a long time.

  Liar, she chided herself. She hadn’t thought about it, but that hadn’t stopped one of her most frustrating, recurring dreams, thanks to the memory of the night she’d spotted him showering at her family’s house.

  Her seventeen-year-old self had dreamed about that scene from then on. She imagined him sneaking into her room when the house was quiet, still wet, with him knowing she’d watched him.

  He’d climb over her body, his mouth devouring hers as his hands began a steady slide down her bare shoulders, along her upper back and finally, stopping at her hips. He’d squeeze gently, then pull her toward him…closer.

  She’d imagined his mouth on her everywhere—her breasts, her stomach, between her legs as she’d let the strong orgasm pull her into the dreamlike state, where Justin held her close and they both slept.

  When she woke from those dreams she could still feel Justin on her. His weight. His warmth. His strength as he’d pulsed inside of her.

  The whole thing was made more intense because of the time she’d been half-naked beneath him. His kisses, his touch were better than anything she could ever have expected. On the evening of her graduation, the dream had nearly become a reality and for a few hot minutes, Justin had been all hers.

  She threw
back the covers. As if guided by that same invisible force that always brought her closer to Justin, she found herself at the bathroom door.

  The door was ajar and Justin was in the shower, the only thing between them a sheet of frosted glass. Which was nothing. Nothing at all.

  “You can come in,” he called, and turning away wasn’t an option now. She wouldn’t be a coward a second time, even if it was only to call his bluff.

  “I just needed to brush my teeth…or something,” she mumbled. She caught sight of mouthwash and gulped some gratefully. After she did a not-so-graceful spit and rinse, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror. That’s when she realized that there wasn’t any steam in the bathroom.

  The water stopped, the shower door opened and yes, he’d been taking a cold shower. From the looks of things, it hadn’t helped at all. And, oh my God, she was staring.

  “Sorry.”

  “Nothing you haven’t seen before,” he said.

  She was about to protest, when he smiled that slow, lazy smile. The one that made him look so devastatingly handsome and was completely deceptive, since there was nothing slow nor lazy about him and she knew exactly what he was talking about.

  He knew she’d seen him in the shower at her family’s house. It was after Leo’s Senior Prom. Justin was only a junior, but he’d been asked to the prom by a senior—a cheerleader. After the dance they’d all ended up back at the Turkowskis’. And with their dates, they’d planned to drive to the beach at dawn. Everyone else was downstairs, still partying. Except for Justin.

  Now, here, present-day Justin was stepping out of the old tub, even as her memories of the Justin of her past were revving up.

  “What did you see that night?” he asked, not bothering with a towel. She thought about handing him one. They were right next to her, stacked on a shelf.

  Her nipples tightened and then her belly fluttered and she’d never been so aware of her body. “You…stroking yourself,” she managed to say. “I heard you, over the sound of the water…groaning.”

  “Oh yeah. I remember that.” Why was he moving closer? Water droplets spilled off his body, ran in rivulets across the tight muscles on his chest and this was ridiculous. This was Justin.